I don't just want a seat at the table, I want the whole damn meal too

On expecting women to be grateful for the bare minimum

The other day, when I was staring into the abyss after a major global conglomerate asked me to do an International Women’s Day event for free, I thought about how I might explain this situation to an alien newly landed on Earth.

“Wait, so let me get this straight,” they might say, “women don’t get paid the same as men, and you have this day/week/month to try and close this gap among many other things, and on this day, they want you to work for free?” And I would nod, and say yes, yes they do.

Then they might say, “hang on, why don’t women get paid the same as men?” And I’d ask what their species’ life span was because this could take a while, and they’d say: “well, when will you get paid the same as men?” And I’d say IN 2056 APPARENTLY AND NO, I DON’T KNOW WHY IT CAN’T END SOONER.

And then we might go onto other topics, and I might tell them about the things that we celebrate that shouldn’t have needed to be celebrated in the first place such as the first time women in the UK were allowed to run more than 6km (1975) to women’s boxing only being added to the Olympics in 2012. I might watch its eyebrows shoot up (if it had eyebrows) when I explain things like only 5% of women hold leadership positions in tech companies, or that in certain parts of the world such as Afghanistan, you can’t hear the sound of a woman’s voice in public. And they might go: “what is wrong with them?” And they would be correct. Because how in 2026, given what we know in terms of equality, are we still having to have conversations about this? Why hasn’t it just been sorted?

I’ve had the alien conversation in my head around so many different things. Higher rates of fatalities among Black women when giving birth. Women’s healthcare being decided by men. Abortion being made illegal. Women not being able to run in the dark. Not being safe in their own homes. Being made to feel weird about the choices they make in their lives where it concerns their safety and bodies (marriage and children). I’ve even had the conversation around school uniform and girls being made to wear skirts. I tried to have a conversation around the Epstein List but my brain just broke.

While there are many reasons as to why these inequities exist, and why in certain parts of the world basic civil rights don’t exist at all, I kept coming back to the idea of gratitude, and how much people trade on the hope that women are just grateful to be in the room at all.

Because when I get asked to do something for free and am told there’s ‘no budget’, I realise that paying women is not a consideration because really, we are not that far removed from when we weren’t allowed to take part at all. I realised that even in 2026, people still just think we want a seat at the table. I don’t just want a seat at the table, I want the whole damn meal too.

Of course there are exceptions. I do a percentage of pro bono work for people throughout the year, and I don’t charge people if it’s an opportunity to directly promote my work. But being asked by a corporation to work for free? As if I’d say yes because I’d be so grateful for the opportunity? I don’t think so. My mortgage company doesn’t take gratitude, and my water bill isn’t paid with good vibes.

It occurs to me how much of the world operates on the assumption that women like to do things just because they are asked. Whatever world order existed that somehow convinced women that their success was handed to them by others, or that they didn’t earn their place, or that they should be happy to be asked at all (all things I’ve had said to me over the course of my career by the way) is no longer something I am going along with.

Call it middle age, call it middle rage. I am done with accepting scraps. I am done with being asked to starve while everyone else feasts. We are not grateful, we didn’t get here by chance, we have earned it. We have done the free work. Now pay us.

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