Even if you eschew TikTok, chances are that you’ve heard of the very demure, very mindful trend that is taking place across social media and is now trickling into real life. The trend initially meant to be a satirical joke about femininity by the brilliant Jools Lebron who, as a trans influencer was making a commentary about the issues trans women face when it comes to their femininity. However, it has taken a life of its own, and in some cases, it seems to be taken quite literally by people who don’t belong to that community. The latter is a problem, when you consider that the antonym for the word demure can be brash, bold, immodest. Brazen, shameless.
Words that are never used to describe men, but have been wielded to brand women and define their character. It’s worth noting, whether it’s girl dinner, Brat summer, or demure and mindful - that these trends which may start off light and silly but end up categorising and defining, reinforcing expectations or stereotypes that are still very much the girders in a patriarchal system, and almost always seem to be aimed at one group, and not the other. And rarely, is that group the one in power.
When I first started hearing about it, it was mildly irritating as most trends are, once they start to saturate other people’s social posts and watercooler chat. But when I started reading the discourse about it, what began as irritation has built into tidal wave, that I can no longer suppress and like Dr Pimple Popper, I must pop this zit and get it all out lest I implode.
The kindling was a post by a South Asian online publication whose analysis I mostly love, but who took the most bizarre literal angle on the whole thing, looking at how South Asians have been interpreting it in cutesy ways.
As a South Asian woman, I want to say in the most black and white terms: fuck this trend, it is not for us. I mean - quite literally it was started as a cute retort for a community that is vilified daily in the media. But for the people who are using it in a literal and cutesy way, I don’t want it anywhere near me, I don’t want it used to describe anything I’m doing.
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