My goal for 2026 is matching other people’s energy

On reducing resentment after a year on the hamster wheel

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

I won’t dwell too long on how 2025 was one of my worst years in terms of work-life balance, and trying to grind to earn money. Many people – especially freelancers - had a similar year – and I hope we’ve seen the end of it. Although I earned much, much less money in my twenties, it’s incomparable because back then I didn’t have serious financial responsibilities. Besides, I had the stamina and vigour back then to work long hours, often overnight on press deadlines – and it didn’t feel onerous in the way this last year has.

I’d never had a year until this one, that ended where I thought thank god that is over. (The year my husband Rob died doesn’t count because I lost all concept of time, and I knew that grief didn’t care about the Gregorian calendar).

When I was younger, like many of my generation, I had no concept of mental health. In the UK, awareness around it was a relatively recent conversation starting around ten years ago. Sacrificing sleep, time with my family, and fun things with friends in exchange for work wasn’t a problem because it’s what we were told work was. We didn’t know any better. If you were from a similar culture to mine (I’m Indian) and/or you were a woman, you probably also over-committed to your friends and family, offering time and energy you didn’t have.

At the age of 45, I have a very strong sense of what the balance should be between my work and life, and I also have a very hard-won sense of reciprocity. Both things are essential to lowering the flame on a saucepan of resentment so that I don’t scald myself or my loved ones with a burning sense of indignation. They allow me to be fluid rather than transactional in my love, so that I am not compiling a mental tally of I did X and they haven’t done Y.

In middle age, my relationships are defined by reciprocity. Part of this has been watching people older than me, and seeing how they are consumed with rage about perceived slights, or exhausting themselves to cater to others and then be upset when the effort isn’t returned. I’ve seen how it has caused increased levels of stress and, in some cases, seems to exacerbate hypertension. Part of it has also been noticing what feeds resentment within friendships, which I’ll expand on shortly.