37 Comments

Loved this piece, particularly the thoughtful move away from cognitive dissonance to posture how two things can be true at the same time, like mellowing towards certain things and breathing righteous rage over everything else.

Just wait until you cross the threshold of 45 and experience the brilliant expansion of your inner hag. PHE and BHE (Big Hag Energy) are legit states of consciousness.🔥

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Ha ha love to hear it!

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I’m really glad I stopped to read this Poorna. It’s a wonderful piece of writing that I relate to, I’m 52. I love to see myself in someone’s eloquent writing what I don’t have words for myself but know. Thank you. ☺️ there is a great book called Hagitude by Sharon Blackje I’d like to recommend.

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Thank you for the book recommendation, just reserved in my local library!

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Blackie *

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Yes!! I seem to feel rage and anger more (I think I just allow it now) the older I get. I was speaking with my daughter recently (she's 46) who was committing to doing something she didn't want to do, because she'd feel guilty if she said no.. every time we say yes when we really want to say no takes us a little further away from ourselves. Hags unite 😉

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Hags unite - that made me laugh so much but also I may need to get that made into a t-shirt 😂

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I will buy this

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Same!

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Thank you Poorna, I feel so validated that I am not just the only raging midlife woman in the room! I am surprised but my sudden waves of anger that swell in me more often now at 47. Agree, I just want to be left alone and i cant just put up with pleasantries anymore. But it feels good as it has been suppressed for most of my life. Cheers to my fellow hags!

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Relate to this so much - now that's I'm 44, I feel really protective towards younger women (particularly on public transport) and angry when I see them being polite out of fearfulness. Of course, there are still times when I'm polite out of fearfulness, but I'm definitely moving out of that era and into big hag energy!

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I feel you so hard on this!

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I love the notion of protective hag energy. Something to really lean into in this life stage 💪🏻

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I love this idea of powerful, protective hag energy.

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Yes to this! I'm 47 and stood my ground on something just today which I would have let slide in the past. It worked out fantasticly (perhaps in part because I was speaking with another woman of similar age). Shout out also to the younger generations who are not tolerating a lot of that which we tolerated 💪

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Love this post. I'm 60 and can affirm that that ability to set boundaries (don't spend life force on people who are behaving badly) continues to grow. I don't do BJJ (keep up the good work!) but am fit from decades of lifting and workouts, and I never wear shoes I can't run in - so I also experience that confidence when out walking, and I also act unobtrusively protective sometimes - such as when a slowly walking older person is crossing a street, I walk at their pace. Like you, I know something bad could happen to me on the street, but so far, only minor harassments long ago that did not really "get to me" for long.

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absolutely love this. Yes to protective hag energy, which I see here as empowering and strong. not to be confused with “miserable hag energy” which is just too depressing and a term I use for people who just hate everything 😅

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Ha ha ha thanks Emma!

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LOVE this, Poorna. Fellow hag right here with you at 43 - SO much of what you said resonates profoundly. I am childless (by choice), and as such find myself increasingly surrounded by younger people through work and life, as old friends leave London and drift further away both geographically and otherwise (as our lives take different paths). And I feel more and more protective of the younger women in my life and in my work and indeed those women who are strangers. Just recently I moved seats on a London bus to ensure I was in the eye line of a young woman who a strange, much older man had chosen to sit next to. He didn’t seem to be taking no for an answer when she gave minimal answers to intrusive questions, so I moved forward and said to her “oh my god, it’s so good to see you again… it’s been so long. How’s life? Come sit with me, we should catch up!” There was a momentary blankness in her face, and then he got up, moved away and we could proceed with our respective journeys in peace! Despite that situation resolving itself quite easily, I am pissed off that we even have to deal with this shit still. What the fuck is wrong with men - when will they learn to just shut up, step away, and back the fuck off. (I’ve always been a swearer, but with the increased anger that has come in my 40s, I use the word fuck, a fuck tonne more 🤦‍♀️😂!) Thanks for the writing, Poorna! You are brilliant 🧡

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Love how you “saved” the woman on the bus 🙌🏼

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Thanks, Naomi. That’s really kind of you to say 🧡

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One of my favourite pieces of yours (and there are dozens to choose from). I am too in The Hag Club and feel comfortable and proud to be in it.

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57yo “silverback” here (my hair and beard turned white early). We need more hags like you, Poorna!

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Thanks for writing this. Concur on how I'm way way more mellow about some things (saying no and letting things go, for example), and utterly furious about other things. I quite like that I have a different balance, with my fury retained for more important stuff, and Mama Bear energy about young women in particular ✨

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It seems like we can afford to be mellow when we're also able to stand up for the right things/ set boundaries and enforce them.

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Fab stack. I love putting myself between younger women and harm - whether directly standing up for them or merely checking in. It is the great joy of age.

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💜💜💜💜

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Gorgeous! So many things in this that I loved. I really appreciate the protective hag energy. I’m so grateful to be middle-aging alongside so many insightful and creative women talking about it. Particularly ones who are taking up wrestling.

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