i have been ghosted by a lot of friends in the past year. i feel like the emotional damage of platonic friendships ending is similar to romantic relationships for me. the fact that ghosting prevents from me doing a post-mortem analysis with the other person in understanding if i did something wrong is very stressful and debilitating.
I have been able to just start focusing on people that match my energy when it comes to wanting to hang out and that has been a nice coping method for me.
That’s a very tough thing to go through - being ghosted by friends and in some ways worse than romantically. And definitely best to focus on making new friends and existing friends who will make you feel great!
I haven’t been ghosted for a while (I’m due one soon I expect) but I can remember well that sharp slap of bewilderment and humiliation on top of the the emotional shitshow that a break-up already is. There are so many deeply emotionally inadequate people that walk among us and who are massively overrepresented in the dating pool. If it’s any consolation right now, every single man who has ever ghosted me, I now look back on and think “thank fuck they did that”
I also have a scorched earth blocking policy with anyone who ghosts me: block their number, on WhatsApp, and on all social media. If you ghost me, then you’re never having access to me again
Poorna, thank you for this. It couldn’t come at a more appropriate time as I’ve just been ghosted for the second time this year - both by men in their late 40s, both I’d become pretty close to (not love as in your case) The first time hit me pretty hard, this time I went in extremely guarded and he convinced me he wouldn’t do it. Am working with my therapist on closure and self worth but bloody hell, it’s so hard, especially as it’s battering my ability to trust. I’m 50 and it’s getting more and more confusing out there! I appreciate your perspective on this as it helps to know we’re not alone. My friend said I’m in my ‘Lucky Escape Era’ 😅 and I hear that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less at the time.
I think it would be strange if it didn’t hurt - it shows the depth of feeling that is there and also the grief of not feeling significant enough to have a right of reply. I think for me, it will always hurt but I don’t ever want it to harden my heart as I do believe ghosting is about someone else’s issues, and I refuse the take the responsibility for that and let it impact my life!
My theory about this is that people think they’re going to respond and they think they’re the kind of people who respond and they just keep putting it off and then they just never do it. These are people who just can’t handle conflict or intimacy or whatever it is, but I think you have hit on it: to use one of my favorite clichés “Rejection is protection.” That doesn’t make it not painful though. Also, you are not posting too many things-- I’m loving your newsletter!
I agree. Also I think a lot of men don’t like to do anything they aren’t good at. So it they feel like they have failed or done something wrong they run away and find a situation where they feel in control. Obviously, these are not the kind of men you want to be in a relationships with.
interesting topic here and nice post!
i have been ghosted by a lot of friends in the past year. i feel like the emotional damage of platonic friendships ending is similar to romantic relationships for me. the fact that ghosting prevents from me doing a post-mortem analysis with the other person in understanding if i did something wrong is very stressful and debilitating.
I have been able to just start focusing on people that match my energy when it comes to wanting to hang out and that has been a nice coping method for me.
That’s a very tough thing to go through - being ghosted by friends and in some ways worse than romantically. And definitely best to focus on making new friends and existing friends who will make you feel great!
I haven’t been ghosted for a while (I’m due one soon I expect) but I can remember well that sharp slap of bewilderment and humiliation on top of the the emotional shitshow that a break-up already is. There are so many deeply emotionally inadequate people that walk among us and who are massively overrepresented in the dating pool. If it’s any consolation right now, every single man who has ever ghosted me, I now look back on and think “thank fuck they did that”
I also have a scorched earth blocking policy with anyone who ghosts me: block their number, on WhatsApp, and on all social media. If you ghost me, then you’re never having access to me again
I wish I was able to do this but not sure why I don’t feel able to! Give me another month and maybe I’ll reconsider 😂
Poorna, thank you for this. It couldn’t come at a more appropriate time as I’ve just been ghosted for the second time this year - both by men in their late 40s, both I’d become pretty close to (not love as in your case) The first time hit me pretty hard, this time I went in extremely guarded and he convinced me he wouldn’t do it. Am working with my therapist on closure and self worth but bloody hell, it’s so hard, especially as it’s battering my ability to trust. I’m 50 and it’s getting more and more confusing out there! I appreciate your perspective on this as it helps to know we’re not alone. My friend said I’m in my ‘Lucky Escape Era’ 😅 and I hear that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less at the time.
I think it would be strange if it didn’t hurt - it shows the depth of feeling that is there and also the grief of not feeling significant enough to have a right of reply. I think for me, it will always hurt but I don’t ever want it to harden my heart as I do believe ghosting is about someone else’s issues, and I refuse the take the responsibility for that and let it impact my life!
My theory about this is that people think they’re going to respond and they think they’re the kind of people who respond and they just keep putting it off and then they just never do it. These are people who just can’t handle conflict or intimacy or whatever it is, but I think you have hit on it: to use one of my favorite clichés “Rejection is protection.” That doesn’t make it not painful though. Also, you are not posting too many things-- I’m loving your newsletter!
Ah thanks for the feedback!
I agree. Also I think a lot of men don’t like to do anything they aren’t good at. So it they feel like they have failed or done something wrong they run away and find a situation where they feel in control. Obviously, these are not the kind of men you want to be in a relationships with.