I’ve always told myself the story I’m bad with money, and this year I discovered Plum. I’ve been saving with it for eight months and it’s astonishing how quickly it adds up. With an imminent divorce and having to take responsibility for all the household bills I’ve felt utterly terrified and overwhelmed but just small steps like that have really helped. Money is so complex and I’ve avoided dealing with it my whole life. I don’t want to shame myself for letting my ex husband deal with it all but I wish I’d stepped in earlier and got a handle on it. Thank you for this - I’m definitely going to get my financial shit together a hell of a lot more now.
I hear you on this with all my heart. I’m thinking of doing a separate piece on defaulting money decisions to male partners, what do you think? I am trying not to shame myself either but…my god I wished there were things I’d known and how to advocate for myself better.
I would love that, yes. I know I took control of the majority of the childcare as I only worked freelance part time and he was the main breadwinner, so it’s not a case of shaming myself either - but I do wish it had been different. It feels incredibly vulnerable and daunting when you’re left to deal with it by yourself. I’ve got loads of female friends who are still married who are almost waking up now and going ‘hang on, I need to know this shit!’ - is it because they’re a bit older and more aware, kids are older, they’re earning more money, I don’t know - but it’s strange how so many of us still tend to default it to the men when we marry 😬
Also you’ve hit the nail on the head there - it’s advocating for yourself, or not knowing that was even an option I guess. I was pretty blind to that 😞
Thank you so much for your input on this matter! I was also secretly thinking I am “bad with money” because I always feel overwhelmed with the tons of information on the topic but never quite finding an approach that clicks with me. I’m really thinking on taking a course directed at women, as it also takes into account the aspect that the “bad with money” feeling is a result of our socialization rather than inherent to women’s nature. Right now I’m working a corporate job as I feel I have to earn as much money as possible to compensate for my financial experience - I feel like this is a deal with the devil as it gives me a false sense of security and “financial freedom” while it costs me so much more in terms of time and quality of life. Going forward, I’m aiming to gain real financial freedom and in turn more personal freedom. I really loved how you described the concept of “making your existing amount of money work towards creating a life you want”. I will use this as a future reference point for sure.
Oh absolutely this! That pervasive sense that women are bad with money and would spend it on frivolous things unless kept in check by a man (when reality for many households is women are incredible and do incredible things with actually very little) and that men just know more when it comes to money. Some do, some don't - and the same with women. I wish I had known to ask more questions of my partner and to know that I had rights to make better choices for myself, even if he didn't agree or had his own issues with money.
I wish people would talk more openly about this topic. I wonder if that will ever happen.
I find it awkward to discuss, as I don't feel like lot of the factors in my own narrative on money are "mine" to tell (having been things that were circumstances of other people's misfortune/ineptitude/hard work, a very mixed bag).
Completely agree there's a need for basic money literacy to be taught in schools. How are you supposed to know what an overdraft or a mortgage is otherwise?
I agree - I think we are becoming a bit better at it, but it's still a taboo subject. I still feel in group settings in particular people try and project an image of how well they want other people to think they are doing financially - and I've learned so many times that the reality was very different behind closed doors. It can be so mentally taxing to have to keep up appearances, and definitely agree there should be more honest conversations.
Absolutely agree that personal finance should be taught in schools. In hindsight it's ludicrous the amount of "free money" that was offered to me as a 17-21 year old student. I think the banks do it on the assumption that university graduates are going to get well paid graduate jobs, which wasn't the case then (I too was on £12k a year at first) and definitely isn't now. Also, I'm still surprised at the pressure people put on themselves to buy the biggest and best of everything straightaway - houses, cars etc and taking the maximum amount of credit available. So dangerous when it all rests on getting a paycheck every month. No chance of switching jobs if you're miserable but well paid, and becoming seriously ill could be catastrophic.
The mental health impacts of financial strain also take their toll - obviously far more so for people who struggle to pay their bills and are living in poverty. Over the last few years so many more people are experiencing that strain.
I did a debt investigation piece a few years ago and this was a recurring topic - people could trace the start of their money problems to banks handing out overdrafts like sweets. I'm so concerned for people at the moment who are digging into debt and poverty because of the vice-like grip of cost of living crisis and that sense of wanting a glam lifestyle and putting things on payday loans or Klarna. It will create such a huge problem down the line, one that will take a long time to emerge from.
I have always been quite good with finances, budgets etc. so when friends of mine got into debt following a job loss it was shocking to see just how a couple of months without work impacted them and how long it took to get back to square one. The odds are really stacked against you. I like the idea of a spending plan rather than budget and will definitely adopt that! 👍🏻
I’m always so envious of people who’ve been good with finances! Always wondered what was wrong with me until I unpicked why that was. Glad to be in a better place now!
I’ve always told myself the story I’m bad with money, and this year I discovered Plum. I’ve been saving with it for eight months and it’s astonishing how quickly it adds up. With an imminent divorce and having to take responsibility for all the household bills I’ve felt utterly terrified and overwhelmed but just small steps like that have really helped. Money is so complex and I’ve avoided dealing with it my whole life. I don’t want to shame myself for letting my ex husband deal with it all but I wish I’d stepped in earlier and got a handle on it. Thank you for this - I’m definitely going to get my financial shit together a hell of a lot more now.
I hear you on this with all my heart. I’m thinking of doing a separate piece on defaulting money decisions to male partners, what do you think? I am trying not to shame myself either but…my god I wished there were things I’d known and how to advocate for myself better.
I would love that, yes. I know I took control of the majority of the childcare as I only worked freelance part time and he was the main breadwinner, so it’s not a case of shaming myself either - but I do wish it had been different. It feels incredibly vulnerable and daunting when you’re left to deal with it by yourself. I’ve got loads of female friends who are still married who are almost waking up now and going ‘hang on, I need to know this shit!’ - is it because they’re a bit older and more aware, kids are older, they’re earning more money, I don’t know - but it’s strange how so many of us still tend to default it to the men when we marry 😬
Also you’ve hit the nail on the head there - it’s advocating for yourself, or not knowing that was even an option I guess. I was pretty blind to that 😞
Thank you so much for your input on this matter! I was also secretly thinking I am “bad with money” because I always feel overwhelmed with the tons of information on the topic but never quite finding an approach that clicks with me. I’m really thinking on taking a course directed at women, as it also takes into account the aspect that the “bad with money” feeling is a result of our socialization rather than inherent to women’s nature. Right now I’m working a corporate job as I feel I have to earn as much money as possible to compensate for my financial experience - I feel like this is a deal with the devil as it gives me a false sense of security and “financial freedom” while it costs me so much more in terms of time and quality of life. Going forward, I’m aiming to gain real financial freedom and in turn more personal freedom. I really loved how you described the concept of “making your existing amount of money work towards creating a life you want”. I will use this as a future reference point for sure.
Oh absolutely this! That pervasive sense that women are bad with money and would spend it on frivolous things unless kept in check by a man (when reality for many households is women are incredible and do incredible things with actually very little) and that men just know more when it comes to money. Some do, some don't - and the same with women. I wish I had known to ask more questions of my partner and to know that I had rights to make better choices for myself, even if he didn't agree or had his own issues with money.
I wish people would talk more openly about this topic. I wonder if that will ever happen.
I find it awkward to discuss, as I don't feel like lot of the factors in my own narrative on money are "mine" to tell (having been things that were circumstances of other people's misfortune/ineptitude/hard work, a very mixed bag).
Completely agree there's a need for basic money literacy to be taught in schools. How are you supposed to know what an overdraft or a mortgage is otherwise?
I agree - I think we are becoming a bit better at it, but it's still a taboo subject. I still feel in group settings in particular people try and project an image of how well they want other people to think they are doing financially - and I've learned so many times that the reality was very different behind closed doors. It can be so mentally taxing to have to keep up appearances, and definitely agree there should be more honest conversations.
Absolutely agree that personal finance should be taught in schools. In hindsight it's ludicrous the amount of "free money" that was offered to me as a 17-21 year old student. I think the banks do it on the assumption that university graduates are going to get well paid graduate jobs, which wasn't the case then (I too was on £12k a year at first) and definitely isn't now. Also, I'm still surprised at the pressure people put on themselves to buy the biggest and best of everything straightaway - houses, cars etc and taking the maximum amount of credit available. So dangerous when it all rests on getting a paycheck every month. No chance of switching jobs if you're miserable but well paid, and becoming seriously ill could be catastrophic.
The mental health impacts of financial strain also take their toll - obviously far more so for people who struggle to pay their bills and are living in poverty. Over the last few years so many more people are experiencing that strain.
I did a debt investigation piece a few years ago and this was a recurring topic - people could trace the start of their money problems to banks handing out overdrafts like sweets. I'm so concerned for people at the moment who are digging into debt and poverty because of the vice-like grip of cost of living crisis and that sense of wanting a glam lifestyle and putting things on payday loans or Klarna. It will create such a huge problem down the line, one that will take a long time to emerge from.
I have always been quite good with finances, budgets etc. so when friends of mine got into debt following a job loss it was shocking to see just how a couple of months without work impacted them and how long it took to get back to square one. The odds are really stacked against you. I like the idea of a spending plan rather than budget and will definitely adopt that! 👍🏻
I’m always so envious of people who’ve been good with finances! Always wondered what was wrong with me until I unpicked why that was. Glad to be in a better place now!